It seems as though language may be relatively limited in terms of its ability to help us
communicate, as there are so many non-verbal ways to communicate as well. Still, the
range of effectiveness of our verbal communication efforts seems remarkable. This range appears to be based
on various word choices that we make routinely and unconsciously. By raising our awareness regarding some of
these word choices, perhaps we may have an easier time being authentic
and saying exactly what we mean.
You “HAVE” to
read this next part…
Some of the
more common things we hear and/or speak each day are “I really have to quit
smoking…”, or “I can’t stop overeating…”, or “I should exercise more often…” What about this one – “I’d love to stay &
chat, but I really gotta get going…” Perhaps
you don’t “gotta” do anything. Perhaps these
are lies you tell yourself and others.
Remember the old expression “all you have to do is pay taxes and
die…”? Well, you really don’t HAVE to
die…it just sort of happens to you, and you don’t even have to pay taxes! Note one of my favorite Steve Martin monologues
from SNL:
YOU......can be a MILLIONAIRE and NEVER pay taxes! That’s right.
YOU can have one MILLION
dollars and NEVER pay taxes! You say... "Steve... how can I be a MILLIONAIRE......and
NEVER pay taxes?" First......get
a million dollars. Now......you
say, "Steve......what do I say to the tax collector when he comes to my
door and says, YOU......have NEVER paid taxes'?" TWO simple words. Two SIMPLE words in the English language……"I FORGOT!"
You
really “SHOULD” keep reading…
Should
you REALLY exercise more often? We all
know exercise is great for our health; that’s old news. Don’t get me wrong - I love to exercise,
except when I don’t, and I DO enjoy feeling healthy. So, who’s telling you that you “should”
exercise more? Is it really YOU, or is
it someone tucked away in your brain that used to constantly remind you that you
were a lazy, fat kid, and you should get off your butt and be healthy like your
best friend (who, by the way, was sitting right next to you at the time you
were being verbally abused). So, take
responsibility in your speaking. If you
decide you are ready to exercise more for YOU, then speak the truth. It may sound like this: “I’ve decided I want
to get in shape, I’m a little afraid, a little excited, and I’ll do my best.” There’s no “should” about it, so stop
“shoulding” all over yourself…
You
“CAN’T” stop reading now…or can you?
So
you can’t stop smoking? Liar. This may sound harsh, and I AM telling the
truth. You are not being real. You simply don’t want to stop smoking yet,
and that’s another story. It’s very
uncomfortable growing, changing, and trying new things, and it’s painful giving
up habits and pleasurable addictions, even when you know you are hurting yourself
and others. What would it be like if you
gave yourself permission to speak more honestly about your habits? I’m not suggesting that smoking is a great idea
or that changing unsavory habits isn’t a noble cause. I’m asking you to consider taking
responsibility for yourself and speaking in a more authentic fashion. It may sound something like this: “I’m afraid that if I stop comforting myself
with cigarettes today, I’ll fall apart completely. When I think I’m really ready to quit, I’ll probably
ask for help and support.” If that’s the REAL truth, then who else are you
trying to please, and for whom are you trying to manage your image? Who else are you actually trying to take care
of? If you do it for them, you’ll most
likely just resent them later when you DO fall apart... 
David Lader - August 4, 2013
Reprinted from davidlader.org
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